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“Thereisnothingeithergoodorbad,butthinkingmakesitso.”—WilliamShakespeare,“Hamlet”
Oneofthegreatestsourcesofunhappiness,inmyexperience,isthedifficultywehaveinacceptingthingsastheyare.
Withoutjudgment,withoutwishingforotherwise.
Whenweseesomethingwedon'tlike,wewishitcouldbedifferent—wecryoutforsomethingbetter.Thatmaybehumannature,orperhapsit'ssomethingthat'singrainedinourculture.
Therootoftheunhappinessisn'tnecessarilythatwewantthingstobedifferent,均衡膳食(Balanceddiet),however:it'sthatwedecidedwedidn’tlikeitinthefirstplace.We'vejudgeditasbad,ratherthansaying,"It'snotbadorgood,itjustis."
Anexample:Inmyrecentpost,ABeautifulMethodtoFindPeaceofMind,quiteafewcommentersthoughtmyoutlookwasnegative,pessimistic,orfatalistic…becauseIsaidyoushouldexpectpeopletomessup,expectthingstogodifferentlythanyouplanned,andthatyoushouldembracethat.
It'stoonegativetoexpectthingstogowrong,theysaid.However:it'sonlynegativeifyouseeitasnegative.Ifyoujudgeitasbad.
Instead,youcouldacceptitasthewaytheworldworks—asthewaythingsactuallyare.Andtrytounderstandwhythatis,andembraceit.Asitis.
Thiscanbeappliedtowhateveryoudo:whetheritbehowotherpeopleactatwork,howpoliticsworksandhowdepressingthenewsmediacanbe.Acceptthesethingsastheyare,andtrytounderstandwhythey'rethatway.
It'llsaveyoualotofgrief,becauseyou'llnolongersay,"Oh,Iwishthingsdidn'tsuck,英国的酒吧文化(BritishPubCulture)!"
Doesitmeanyoucanneverchangethings?Notatall.Butchangethingsnotbecauseyoucan'tacceptthingsastheyare,butbecauseyouenjoytheprocessofchange,oflearningandgrowing.
Canwemakethisworldabetterplace?Again,that'sassumingthatit'sabadplacerightnow.Butinstead,youcouldsaytheworldisjustwhatitis—andthat'sneithergoodnorbad.Youcansaythatyou'llcontinuetotrytodothingstohelpothers,togrowasaperson,tomakeadifferenceinthisworld—notbecauseyou'resuchabadpersonnow,ortheworldsucks,butbecausethat'sthepathyouchoosetotake,becauseyouenjoythatpath.
Asyoucatchyourselfjudging,andwishingfordifferent—andwealldoit—tryadifferentapproach:accept,andunderstand.Itmightleadtosomeinterestingresults.
Weallhaveweaknessesandstrengths–nomatterwhoweare.Sometimestheweaknessesseemtooutweighthestrengthsandsometimesit’stheotherwayaround.Somepeoplegetsickeasily.Somestruggletomanagetheirfinancesproperly.Somepeoplearehopelesscommunicatorsandstrugglewithrelationships.
Manypeopleleaveitandthatandacceptitasjustbadluck–butnoteveryone.Somepeoplefacinghugelimitationsstillmanagetoachievetremendousthings.Theyriseabovetheirweaknessesanddonotallowthemtolimittheirpossibilities.
It'sYourChoice
Iattendedaschoolprize-givingceremonynotsolongagoandtheguestspeakerwasAndrewBecroft,whohadaseverestutterasachild.Insteadofallowingthistolimithim,hechosetotoworkhardtoovercomeit.HeisnowthePrincipalYouthCourtJudgeforNewZealand.Notonlydidhebecomesuccessful,buthedidsoinaprofessionwherehehadtospeakinfrontofothersregularly—wherehisweaknessisfrontandcenterforalltosee.Ifhehadn’tworkedonhisspeakingability,itwouldhavebeenverylimitingtohislifeandcareerprospects.
YoucanfindsimilarpeopleonNewZealandNewschannels,andIsuspectthesameinothercountries.Thereareanumberofpresentersandreporterswhohaveanoticeablyunusualmannerofspeaking.Perhapstheyhavealisp,ortheyhaveapeculiaraccentorpitchofvoice.Thesepeoplehavesucceededinspiteofwhatwouldbeappeartobeaweaknessintheirprofession.
Lotsofpeoplefacefarmoresignificantlimitationsthanyoudo.Theymaybemissinglimbsorarebornintoextremepoverty.Butnomatterwhatthelimitation,youwillalwaysfindpeoplewhohaveovercomeit.
Herearesomemoreexamples:
BrettEastburnhasnoarmsorlegsandyetisaninspirationalspeakerandandalsoaverygoodwrestler.Heshareshisstoryinabriefvideoonhissite.
LanceArmh2’sboutwithcancermeanthelostonetesticleandhadtogothroughchemotherapywhichhasahorrificeffectonthebody.YethewentontowintheTourdeFrance,oneofthemostgruelingsportseventsthereis,arecord7times.
RingoStarr,drummerfortheBeatles,camefromaverypoorbackground.Hewasconstantlyplaguedwithillnessasachildandspentlargeamountsoftimeinhospital.
At19monthsold,HelenKellerbecameillandlosthersightandhearing(beforeshe’dlearnedtospeak).Shewentontobecomeaworldfamousauthorandspeaker,andanadvocateofmanysocialcauses.
GrantCalderisatetraplegicandyethestillworksoutdoorsonalargesheepfarminNewZealand’sruggedSouthIsland.Hereishisinspiringstory.
WilmaRudolphwasthe20thof22children.Asachildshesufferedmeasles,mumps,scarletfever,chickenpox,doublepneumoniaandeventuallypolio,leavingherleftlegandfootweakanddeformed.Doctorssaidshewouldneverwalkagain.Shewentontowin3goldmedalsintrackduringthe1960Olympicgames.
MarkInglislostbothofhislegsbelowthekneesinamountaineeringaccident,buthassinceclimbedMtEverest.
BillWilsonwasanalcoholicwhowantedtohelpotheralcoholicsandfoundedwhatwastobecomeAlcoholicsAnonymous,amovementthathashelpedmillionsofpeople.
NoOneWouldHavePredictedTheseSuccesses
Theseabovearecasesinvolvingindividualswithsignificantlimitations,anditcanbeeasytowritethemoffasexceptionstotherule,butthat’snotthecase.Theywerejustpeoplewithproblems.Ifoneofthesepeoplehadtoldyouwhattheyhopedtoachieveyouwouldhavenoddedkindlywhilequietlythinkingtoyourselfthattheyhadnochance.Andyettheresultsspeakforthemselves.
WeAllFaceChallengesinLife
Mostofuswillneverhavetofacethekindsofchallengesthesepeoplefaced.Yetmostofuswillneverachievetothedegreethatthesepeoplehaveeither.
Unlesswechooseto.
IfMarkIngliscanclimbthehighestmountainintheworldwithoutlegs,whatcanyoudo?
DearSir/Madam,
I’mLiHua,anexchangestudentfromChinaduringthissummervacation.I’mdelightedtolearnthatvolunteerstudentsarewantedforaChinesepaintingexhibitiontobeheldinthelocalartgallery.NowI’mwritingtoapplyfortheposition.
Thereasonsformyapplicationareasfollows.Firstofall,havingbeenexposedtoforeignteacherssinceayoungage,IcancommunicatefreelywithothersinEnglish.What’smore,yearsofbeingmonitormakesmeabrilliantorganizer,whichwillhelpalottokeeptheexhibitioninorder.ThemostimportantfactoristhatmyrelatedknowledgewillundoubtedlyhelptheaudiencelearnmoreabouttheuniqueChineseartform.
Allinall,mysenseofresponsibilitywillmakemeaqualifiedvolunteer.I’dappreciateitifyoucouldtakemyapplicationintoconsideration.
Yours,
LiHua
LiHuaismygoodfriend.Weareclassmates.Heistallestinourclass.Heisverykindandalwaysreadytohelpothers.Wehavemanyincommon,sothatwehavemanythingstotalk.Forexample,webothlikeplayingbasketballandwelikethesamebasketballplayerKobe.Besides,webothlikecartoonverymuch.
Wealwayswatchcartoonprogramtogether.Atweekends,weoftenplaybasketball.What'smoreimportant,hestudieshard.SodoI.Wecanmakeprogresstogether.Heisagoodfriend.